Dive into Braveness

What is considered as brave?

I can´t count the amount of times any more where I´ve heard “I´m not as brave as you” or “wow, that was really brave”.

Either for quitting my job in Germany and move abroad ALONE (as a woman), troughing away my carrier with this step, driving alone with my van in a foreign country, sleeping alone in this van at the side of the road in a forest. Lately I´ve found myself in a situation where I walked alone (as a woman) in the night trough the city back home. Not the first time in my life.

Follow your gut: Intuition over convention

At the Maldives even I found myself in a situation where a friend of a guy I just knew through Tinder picked me up when it was already dark at my hotel. I was alone with a stranger in a foreign country in an unknown city in the dark. Already things I learned as a child not to do! And guess what, we even went to the apartment of a friend of his. On the way I even laughed about it cause the situation was so strange. I did everything in once I got taught my whole life not to do. Especially as a woman.

But guess what – it was an amazing evening with lovely people and a lot of laughter. These group of friends even took me in for all the days I stayed at the city.

Do I feel I´m brave? Not at all. I never did.

Of course sometime these thoughts come up that I do things we all got thought not to do. And yes, sometimes it even occurs me that it´s pretty cool to do.

The conditioning we carry: Fear that isn´t ours

But also quite often I still get the comments that I shouldn´t do something, like walking home alone at night. In these situations I hear all these comments I heard all my life in my head. I am aware of the situation and my senses are open to a potential threat.

I just don´t want to let this potential fear dictate my life.

Does that make me brave? Or is it just naive?

I have never thought about it as bravery. I just did all the things cause I simply wanted to do them.

I started thinking about it once I noticed that more and more people call me brave.

Why is that?

Long time I thought some things of my life have prepared me. Like growing up in a remote forest area taught me to hear the difference between a walking person and animals in the forest which I was able to transfer to the city. Training Martial arts prepared me to be able to fight. I actually don´t know if I could still do it cause it´s years in the past but it still changes my way of thinking.

I´ve met quite a lot of women who got sexually abused and I wondered why this never happened to me even walking home alone in the night through a red light district.

In Martial arts one of the first things I´ve learned was that a potential victim has a certain body position. Even I grew up with very little self esteem I never did this one.

According to Dr. Gabor Maté abusers can spot the victims easily cause they can sense they are alone.

So, growing up with a narcissistic mother and an emotional unavailable father wouldn´t I have been a perfect victim? But I were never physically weak. My body always responded with fight mode to threats. But in another way for the emotional abuse I was always an easy victim.

So, what makes me brave in the eyes of other people?

I think it´s just that I do what I want to do and don´t listen to the voices that say it´s not safe.

I follow my guts. I was rarely in a situation where I didn´t felt safe.

Listening to intuition as a safety rule

In diving one very important thing we teach is to listen to your intuition. Don´t go in the water when you don´t feel fine. Cancel the dive even after a few minutes or in the middle of the dive when you don´t feel good. It´s too risky. You should feel comfortable, safe and not overwhelmed.

Maybe I was just good enough to listen to my intuition?

I think I would have changed the way home to an Uber if I wouldn´t have felt safe on the way home. Or if I would have been too tipsy. I would have stopped the evening at the Maldives if I wouldn´t have felt safe. I had a backup plan to come home to Germany and get back into my old job if the dive instructor life wouldn´t have been what I hoped it would be. Luckily it was.

Does all of that makes me brave? I still don´t think that.

I think people just see that I do what they are afraid to do cause they listen to these voices.

Fear dictated life

We let fear dictated our life. Fear that is not ours. Fear that is marked into us through our parents, friend or the society.

When I decided to quit my job, leave Germany and move to Thailand to become a dive instructor so many people told me I should think about it cause I will have a leak in my retirement font. Honestly I was laughing about this argument cause the retirement font system in Germany is so broke that we don´t even know if we still get retirement money once we come to this age. Also this was not an argument I could put into account cause what do I know if I even reach this age.

I wasn´t able to explore the world when I was younger cause I started into my adult life without any savings. My mother was able to use all saved money. At some times of my life I had 4 different jobs just to pay my life. There was no way I could take the time not even thinking to afford a holiday, especially not in the countries I wanted to see.

So, with 37 I decided I didn´t wanted to wait any more. I wanted to live my life.

Does that mean I am brave?

Not to follow the society norms to work my whole life to maybe have a nice time at the end of my life?

Why would I? Waiting till my body is not strong enough anymore for work also means I can´t do the sport, hikes or whatever I really want to do and love any more. Why should I wait that long? Cause I need to be a good member of the industrial, materialistic society and give all my good years to be a small wheel in this big machinery?

And looking at my parents – it didn´t work out.

Yes, maybe it´s brave to start to think outside the society norms.

Bravery isn´t loud – It´s living honestly

In diving we teach – or at least I teach it this way – to question everything you hear. It´s a rule in the dive industry to do it a certain way? Why? Most of the time these rules make sense but sometimes there are things we get taught that are outdated.

Or it doesn´t work for me.

I just think this society doesn´t work for me. Took me very long to realize that but I still don´t think this is bravery.

Just find your own way. No matter what people say.

Like Frank Sinatra used to say “I did it my way”.

Will you feel brave? Probably not. Will people see you as brave? Probably yes!